The Girl With Arthritis

Here's to a Happy New Year! Wishing you a good year. It's come to my attention that this year hasn't really ended on the right foot, so I propose that 2013 become a peaceful year. Just a proposal, of course. Naturally, it's at this point in a post that I would tell you the current status of my health. Rather than writing of stiffness, pain and fighting through it, I'm rather happy to announce that despite the stiffness, pain and fighting through it, I'm doing quite well. Granted, I suppose the stiffness, pain and fighting isn't exactly considered 'doing quite well,' but it's much better than usual. I truly wish I could have started Enbrel earlier, if I had known what a good impact it would have on my life. Here's to starting a new year where chronical illness will be conquered by all.

When I tell people I go to the hospital a lot, do my own shots, and all this sort of thing regarding medicine, they say that they couldn't handle it. I know a lot of people who have a lot of fears or anxiety about needing medical treatment. Trust me, I've been there. In fact, I still have a lot of fears medical wise. Granted, not as much as I began with but, none the less, I still have fears. Whilst there are many fears and anxiety, a lot of the ones I've heard about from others seem to revolve around these five things: 1. Fear of a poor quality of life. No one wants to live in pain or be disabled. I don't think anyone would like that. 2. Fear of the unknown. It's hard to live not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Living asking 'Do I have cancer,' 'Is my liver failing as we speak,' and 'What's wrong' is very stressful and painful. I know this fear and pain personally. 3. Fear of inability to pay for treatment. Walking around feeling o...

I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas, holiday, or whatever they celebrate. On Christmas Eve I did announce that there are some changes to the blog, and a few things I would like to talk about, as well as a posting schedule for the next days. First of all I did update a post called 'Methotrexate Irregular Periods.' Originally when I wrote it, I was very upset and needed to express my concerns. I forgot about the post until recently when I have gotten a lot of views on this post. I'd like to say that Methotrexate HAS helped a lot of people, that that particular side effect is rather uncommon and since it was uncommon I was stressing that people should take it seriously should it happen to them, and to also listen to their body. But I would like to say a medicine will only work if you let it: You can easily convince yourself a medicine won't work, so even if it does you won't feel relief. People can even convince themselves into getting a certain side effect. Per...

Wishing everyone a happy Christmas! In the last few days there have been changes to the blog, have no fear however as I will discuss these small changes later. Any how, I will not be posting tomorrow but like always, I'll be here to answer comments and emails. Have a nice holiday!

Last night was yet another party, and I had a wonderful time at that. I am very much thankful for having a wonderful family and great friends, especially at this time of the year. Overall, I've been having a wonderful Christmas time with limited arthritis pain. The first least painful Christmas I've had in a while. I find this reason to celebrate! After Christmas I'm going back to hospital for a few tests and visits, which I will talk about after the holiday. However for right now, I feel no need in causing worry, sadness or anything of the such. So in the festive spirit, I'd like to forget the pain, medicine, hospitals and needles and say Happy Christmas!

Last night's party was a success! Everyone had a jolly time, and one boy acted as Father Christmas to hand out presents at our gift swap. I can't stress enough how much I enjoyed it. On to other things, I wanted to give you a bit of a peek at my Christmas list. This year for Christmas I would love new coloured pencils, new clothes and some books. This year Arthur is asking for a hot tub (to relax sore joints), Enbrel in pill form, extremely comfortable shoes and some hand warmers. Also I'd just like to say thanks for reading the adventures of Arthur Itis and I!

Tonight is the night of a Christmas party amongst friends. We planned a lovely night of music, friends and fun. I am very happy about attending shortly. However I did find that one person invited is one I don't get along with at all. This person has hurt me a lot in the past, however none of my friends know this.I feel a bit trapped because I am hurt but can't express it. Even though arthritis hurts me, I can express the pain one way or another. This time I can't. Regardless I'm excited to go shortly. Even Arthur is excited to go, my muscles a bit stiff with anticipation but not (very) painful! Cheers to a good night.

Christmas is nearly here! Usually it's a very stressful time. This year I planned ahead of what needs to be done. Granted, I've been pacing myself pretty well and keeping Arthur at peace with Enbrel, but it's none the less still very stressful. It's not so much the holiday stress getting to me, it's more of stress at school. I know teachers have to do their job and all, but the mountains of homework aren't exactly making this an enjoyable time. Luckily I'm about done with school so I can focus on being happy with my family and friends soon. Some of my friends and I are actually having a Christmas party in the coming days and I'm very excited for that. But of course I've been facing a bit of physical stress. I still have to swim a few days in school and on top of the classes before and after, my body has taken quite a toll. The other day after swimming about seven laps, I thought I was okay. My heart rate is still quite high and I've been nervous...

It was a long day, if I may say. A tiresome day, if I may say. I don't know what to really write today, since I' haven't really been away. But today I thought, I thought to myself, that I'd share a favourite poem today. Yes, that is what I'll do. "Today Is Very Boring" by Jack Prelutsky Today is very boring, it’s a very boring day, there is nothing much to look at, there is nothing much to say, there’s a peacock on my sneakers, there’s a penguin on my head, there’s a dormouse on my doorstep, I am going back to bed. Today is very boring, it is boring through and through, there is absolutely nothing that I think I want to do, I see giants riding rhinos, and an ogre with a sword, there’s a dragon blowing smoke rings, I am positively bored. Today is very boring, I can hardly help by yawn, there’s a flying saucer landing in the middle of my lawn, a volcano just erupted less than half a mile away, and I think I felt an earthquake, it’s a very boring day.

Yesterday in the United States of America, the world experienced another tragedy. Six adults and twenty young children died in school at the hands of a young man with a gun in his hand. This is not the first time we've ever experienced this sort of tragedy. I'd rather not like to say, however, that it won't be the last. And I'd like to keep the thought 'What next?' out of my head because too many terrible thoughts came to mind. What did any of those babies do to deserve this? That's what they were: Babies. All those children who were rescued are babies. Innocent little people who just wanted to see their parents and siblings. Those adults who saved them? Heroes. The adults who died? Heroes. All I can say is that no one deserved to die. Definitely not the children, and definitely not the adults. No one deserves to die that way. Yesterday when I went to my friend's house to observe a Hanukkah celebration, his mum gave everyone a hug. "It's a h...

Wish me luck! I've been working hard on that project for the contest I mentioned in my last post, and it's nearly done! At the moment I'm getting the judgement of my teachers to help make minor improvements and getting approval through the school to send in my art work (which includes, but is not limited to, three art teachers, one contest representative of my school, and my actual school). I'm extremely excited!! I can't wait to submit it, and I'm even more excited for judging! I'm sorry to be very vague about this contest, it's simply a security issue and also the fact that I like that we can just have 'a contest' and not 'This Very Official Contest of This University and If You Don't Win, You Are A Disgrace.' So, yeah. No pressure. :)

Recently I've decided to enter an art contest. I don't usually tell people about my plans art wise, but this one I'd rather like to share. While I won't say the name of the contest, I will say it's a rather important one and winning is quite an honor. I haven't submitted my work yet, in fact I've barely begun as I only found out about the contest today. But I did want to tell you all for a specific reason: So I follow through. I'm known not to follow through with all my projects, but I feel that if I tell someone, it'll be inspiration enough to do my best work and enter the contest. Here's to hoping I follow through!

Dearest Reader, I know I have not posted in a long time: Usually Elizabeth posts exclusively. However, I have something rather important to share. "Have no fear, the Rheumatologist is here!" Signed, Arthur

Recently I've had a conversation with someone about my school. They asked why I'm very tired after school (arthritis aside). To tell you the truth, most kids from my school are exhausted after school. This is what one  school day looks like: they're not all this long, but it is quite often that they are. Kids begin to travel to get to school as early as 6:15. Early morning meetings and tutoring begin at 7:00, which is when most kids begin to arrive, however most kids rather hang out with friends. Classes start around 7:30. We get to go to lunch at 11:00 (some kids go to the library or go out to play football). Classes resume at about 11:30 and ends at 14:00. Some kids go home at this point. Clubs, tutoring, sports, detention, and such begin at 14:15 (Don't worry, no detentions for me :) ). Some kids do homework and relax in the library with friends (after a bit it's more socialising than working). We can also work out with exercise equipment. Most clubs le...

Hello everyone! I don't have much to post about today, but I have exciting news regardless: I've created an email incase anyone wants to contact me. I'll be more than happy to talk about arthritis, chronic illness, emotions, anything really, as long as anyone would like to speak I'll be there to listen (or rather, if anyone would like to write I'll be there to read). Feel free to shoot me an email! GirlWithArthritis@yahoo.com

When boys and girls are little, we can't seem to get them out of a swimming pool. Once their older, it seems we can't get them in a swimming pool. In school, I have to take swimming class. Unfortunately. In my first year of swimming almost everyone participated. Now, after several years, most everyone dreads it. Today, in a class of twenty kids (nine girls, eleven boys), only six kids (including me) swam (two girls, four boys). It's been worse. Once I was the only girl with four boys. But that's besides the fact. Kids won't do swimming class because they don't want to. I can understand, the reasons being: 1. Your hair feels gross and is wet for the rest of the day. 2. The swimming is intense. 3. They don't give us enough time to get ready for our next class. Among other things of course. I do swimming regardless, I've only missed one class of all my years of swimming due to feeling extremely ill that day. I've gotten very use to having to push thr...

Yesterday was the eleventh anniversary of the death of a legend: George Harrison. George is one of my favourite artists in the world, and I'd like to just acknowledge the day of his early death.

"Do or don't do. There is no try." -Yoda (Star Wars). I've heard this time and time again. And it's true: You can either do something, or you don't do something. When you try, if you succeed you have done something and if not you have done nothing. Regardless of that, I still feel like trying counts more than to not do anything. Even if your knees give out under you, it doesn't mean no action was done to stand. It's not as if you never gave a thought, a care, or the effort. Anyway, a lot of people seem to adopt this way of thinking. Perhaps it helps them get things done. I don't know since it's not really my philosphy. I'd rather like to think, "And even if nothing happens, it doesn't mean we didn't try."

Yesterday was a grand day. I got to spend the day with two of my aunts and we shopped and had a wonderful meal together. I rather like getting to spend the day with family exclusively, as I notice a lot of times people seem to forget that one another exist. Too many walls are built for love to be able to pass through. Then again, that seems to be the point. There have been many times in life when I've found that I have lost friends. Usually there are no fights, we just stop corresponding. And, of course, there are times when trust is lost and promises broken and it's in those times when people forget that anger is not the only emotion in the world. Perhaps though, that is just when you know that your ready to move on. However in those situations, I feel it is better to simply let communcation slip rather than to be hurtful about another (especially behind one's back). It shows  a lot of respect towards the other person as well as yourself to simply keep hurtful thoughts to...

I don't know if I ever talked about a particular prank played in my school, but I was thinking about it today as I walked to class with my friend and we talked a bit about it. A few months ago, some of the older kids were up to jokes and pranks. Most did funny jokes that didn't hurt anyone, such as using noise makers in the corridors. However one joke/prank really stood out from the rest. I was in a class that was nearby a main, busy corridor. There is a ramp going down on one side of the corridor. While everyone else was busy in class doing school work (as they should be), someone poured olive oil all over this corridor. When class let out, kids streaming from everywhere came to this corridor. Dozens walked into this terrible mess. Every child who walked into the oil had to call home or ask a friend for a pair of shoes because simply walking wouldn't be safe. However this was not the end. Very many kids, especially those on the ramp, slipt and fell. One girl my age slip...

Lately I've been getting the feeling people really can't be concerned with anything that doesn't affect them. For example, my friend and I were joking and when I joked about the both of us having kidney problems, he said, "No, I'm the one with the kidney problems." And I said to him that I do too, that I had told him so many times about my kidney problems. I thought he was listening, especially since he responded. I thought he understood because he had surgery to repair kidney problems. I guess not. But asides from that, just about everyone seems insensitive to one another lately: doing annoying actions repetively, forgetting one another, talking badly about other's friends, and even competing with one another's life stories. All of those are currently affecting me. It's times like now when you really realise how alone you are sometimes.

Recently, I've experienced 'thinking away pain.' I noticed that when I started thinking about my kidneys and the pain I got from them, I would begin to get that pain. When I thought about taking Enbrel as being painful, it was worse. Also when I watched a medical documentary, I found that a whole group of young men 'gave' each other a disease with various symptoms because one said he had that particular symptom. Eventually they all convinced one another that they were unable to move their legs. When I began to get a throbbing headache and nasuea the other day, I remembered this. So I began to tell myself that I don't have a headache, and thought about something else. It helped so much. I'm begining to believe the idea that the only disablitiy we have is telling ourselves we 'can't.' Fun Fact: You can bite off your finger as easily as biting into a carrot but your brain tells you 'no, don't bite off your finger.'

I'm extremely relieved that the week is over, it has been quite long. I've been working on homework assignments all week long, often late into night. But not only that, I've had quite a few embarassing blunders that I'm ready to forget all about. Anyway I'm quite sore from the stress and tension lately. I simply can't wait to relax. I don't have much to talk about medically as I feel like I've been focusing too much on that. Though, I'd like to say that I am doing great on Enbrel and have had no problems in doing injections. Besides getting over  that fact that I'm injecting myself. Also I'd like to end off this post with a little wisdom: Don't talk about people behind their backs. Even if it makes you feel better in the short term, it'll come back to bite you in the long run and anyway, there is a very good chance that person will find out. Especially if it's a lie made to look the person look bad.

My visit to the hospital yesterday was a rather good one, I'd say. I'd like to start off saying that Enbrel has definitely helped, and it showed in the fact I showed more range of motion just about everywhere and I have slight pain reduction. Two great, promising things. A 5% improvement in just a few weeks is great hope. Sometimes people tell me that hospitals as depressing. I don't really look at doctors and hospitals to be something to be depressed about. I rather like my doctors, nurses (most of them anyway), technicians, and the other patients and families I meet. We laugh an awful lot and have great conversations. I know getting your blood drawn is unpleasant, but it doesn't have to be completely unpleasant: A great phlebotomist and conversation can really make it 95% better! But anyway, my mum and I tried a new restaurant afterward. Even though we hated it, it was great that we got to go out and try something different. We did some shopping and had a great ...

So sorry (AGAIN) to be late posting: I've been very busy. In fact, I have had barely any time to sleep forget write. But I will have some time in the next few days, or so I hope. Tomorrow I will actually be going back to the hospital again, to get my arthritis checked on as well as my kidneys, which I have been having problems with lately. I will have news of that much later. As most people know, I constantly pick on my arthritis and even the kidney problems. I probably sound like a jerk to people who don't get it. The fact is, the more I joke, the more it helps me in the long run. Joking on it makes it less of a big deal. It helps me become tougher and in charge of my disease. Also it helps my friends to be comfortable with the fact there is no need to pretend nothing is happening. Anyway, I'd rather laugh at arthritis than always be sad and worrying. But none the less, I think it has it's humour. I love to pick on the fact I can't straighten my fingers all the w...

I've read several things today that disturb me, one of these things was that a young girl had a terrible medical accident caused by a nurse at a hospital I had gone to. The accident was one hundred per cent preventable, not to go into too much detail but please tell me what person uses scissors to remove a piece of peeling, sterile tape from a child's face? This hospital is a pediatrics hospital, of which is usually the first parents choose to send their children to. I had been a patient there since I was first born, and we never truly had a good experience. They diagnosed my arthritis as sports injuries (despite the fact I did not play any sports or injure myself) and actually sent me home without looking at me when I had my first flare up and was extremely ill, dehydrated and so weak my father needed to carry me. I found many other children and teenagers had similiar experiences here, one teenager actually denied alternative treatments, instead forced to take a very aggresiv...

I seem to be getting behind in writing. It's not that I do not want to, it's that I have school, homework, art class, art homework, friends wanting social time as well as a nagging disease which gives me a lot of pain and fatigue after that. First off I would like to update about my situation in art class: Everybody absolutely loves my new design more than the one the girl had stole from me (but they still like it). I feel this is a double great situation for me since it's BOTH my idea. Sorry to have a short, non medical (mostly) post, but I promise more later.

I apologise for being away for so long, I've had a very long and busy week between school, school work , a family gathering and also seeing a film I've wanted to see for quite a while with one of my best friends. At the moment, I have many Enbrel side effects including headaches and fatigue. In fact I fell asleep after school, of which I never do unless I'm extremely ill. Tonight I have worked on my own clothing design for a shirt. This is completely and utterly unnecessary work. The reason I am doing it is because a girl in my class took credit for an idea I came up with and drawings I did last year. She didn't mention it was my idea, she took all the credit and continued to saying that she was the only person who cared. I am not letting her win this. I am bringing all my former drafts to class as well as my NEW ideas, which in my mind are brillant. I'm not letting her get away with this. If we're not allowed to cheat on tests, why should we be allowed to che...

I've beem doing my own Enbrel injections lately at the doctor's office, but tonight I did it at home. I can't say it was my best Enbrel experience but it definatly was a success. I actually recorded it on my phone to show friends tomorrow before school, so I'm rather excited to see their reactions as some are interested and others usually grossed out. I HAVE gotten side effects on Enbrel: A lot of fatigue and headaches at first that are beginning to lessen, as well as some general weakness and muscle pain. Also the first few days I got moderate muscle cramps in my feet, but it did not last. Nothing out of the ordinary, hopefully they will lessen the longer I take Enbrel. On a positive note, I've been very busy the past week and keeping myself in great spirits with lots of things planned for the coming months. Nothing is better for a young person than looking forward and taking control of their future. :)

Makes you think differently about some words. "I'm going to hospital." The hospital. That hospital. Hospital. This hospital. Over to hospital. I use one of these expression nearly every day. And no matter what name you give it, no matter how you refer to it, one thing is for certain: 'Hospital' is a severe word. It makes people expect the worse. I think a lot of people just harbour a lot of terrible thoughts about hospitals. Sometimes you can get people use to this term without acting as if it were a big deal; I've gotten probably 75 per cent of my friends now joke with me about it, as well as understand that my visiting the hospital is nothing to get nervous about and feel is a terrible, dreadful thing. Maybe it is a terrible, dreadful thing? I'm just very used to it. I don't feel especially nervous going to the hospital, unless maybe if I forget a jumper (sweater) in case it's very cold inside or if I'm missing a test in school while I...

My last Enbrel injection was one I certainly will never forget: I injected myself with it for the first time. Actually, I injected my own needle for the first time in my life. It was nerve wracking but I had my mum and nurse right there, and I had experienced Enbrel before. I knew exactly what to do as I had a bit of training and the needle is actually very small. I used my stomach (my current favourite injection spot). I stood for a minute pondering if I was really ready for this. But in a quick moment of bravery, I used 'the swift, dagger like motion' I was taught. When I realised what I had done, I got nervous and started shaking a little. I injected Enbrel slowly, as it is known to burn and last time I got a warm feeling. I didn't feel  a thing: I didn't even have any pain from inserting the needle. What did hurt was taking it out as my hand shook the tiniest bit, but no injury so I was fine. Just a slight pain. The nurse (who knows me very well) was so proud, as...

Dear Juvenile Psoriatic Arthritis, You have caused me so much pain, anxiety, depression, illness, isolation, and guilt. Thank you. You've made me a better, stronger person than I ever would have been without you. I lhave earnt to push past pain and function as normally as I can because people can't see you hurting me: They don't understand the chronic pain. You showed me not to have self pity because as bad as you are, I could have it much worse!  I've always felt guilty to ask for a break, as if I'm ruining the plans, so I simply don't say anything now. (Provided it is not extreme pain.) My whole life you've made me feel odd, weird, like a cry baby for complaining sometimes when the pain got serious, and like I was alone. You isolated me from other children my age because I couldn't always participate, and when I tried you made me run awkwardly and slowly which made the children (to my horror) call me 'Limpy' and 'Faker' and othe...

Today I'm having a rather sore day. Rather than describe this I would like to put this in two simple words: Arthritis hurts.

Yesterday I started Enbrel. I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I thought. The needle was very short and skinny, and there wasn't much Enbrel to inject. The nurse allowed me to try and inject myself with her supervision. I got the skin ready and I was so close to injecting myself when I chickened out. The nurse said it really looked like I would have though. She injected it for me, which has given me a lot of confidence for next time as now I know what discomfort to expect. The needle itself did not hurt, and the nurse injected it very slowly so rather than a burning feeling a lot of people report, I got a very warm sensation that was somewhat uncomfortable but only last a few minutes. Honestly, nothing to get worked up over. Hopefully Enbrel will help, as the last few nights have been very painful for me, and currently morning pain and stiffness is at it's worse. It will take a while to help, but I'm truly hoping that Enbrel will help.

The whole goal of trying medicines and treatments is remission. The 'R' word. The big 'R.' Remission for arthritis is defined as no findings of arthritis what so ever- pain, inflammation, stiffness, and absolutely no evidence of the disease being active (including things commonly found in arthritis patients, like related eye problems). The inactivity of the disease must continue for 6 months continuosly  while on medication OR 12 months while off of medication. So yes, while some patients can be in remission and never have to worry about taking medicine, others will have to continue to take medicine. Perhaps forever. I hope I'll go into remission. People around me seem to be more hopeful about remission than I am. In reality, I would love to go into remission and it might happen one day but I don't want to get too excited incase it just doesn't happen. Some tell me they have a 'good feeling' I will go into remission, that I should just trust them. ...

I'm going to start Enbrel this week. Though I said before I was quite positive about taking Enbrel, as the actual happening of it comes closer and closer I've been getting nervous. I don't think I'm as nervous about the side effects as I am if it hurts. I admit it to the world: I am a teenager who has had arthritis for their whole life, and yet I'm afriad of a little needle -that might make everything better- being a bit painful. Kind of pathetic, in my opinion. But in a way I'm excited. I want to try and learn to inject Enbrel myself (Try to learn, no promises), and I think not only is that a great idea but I think it's cool. I mean, call me crazy, but in my opinon I think it's impressive when someone can inject themselves [with perscribed medicines/treatments].

Today is a miserable arthritis day. I've been sore since I've woken up. I'm not feeling well at all as I am actually sick, but Arthur isn't helping what so ever. Even the joints that aren't affected by arthritis are aching and stiff (Shoulders, elbows, wrist, hands). But that's alright since I didn't have much of anything planned for today anyway. I feel like this picture today to tell you the truth. This picture I did a few years ago when I was in a lot of pain and stuck at a relatives house. It's not the best, in fact it was probably done in a few minutes but it made me feel better to put it down on paper. This was done in oil pastels, which did ease the odd pain I had in my hands because it's soft and it warmed as I drew, which soothed my muscles.

I recently read a book called The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (Who is one of my favourite Youtube stars). Anyway, not to spoil the story, the main character has cancer. She is very straightforward with the idea of dying and suffering, also making jokes of it. What made me love the book so much is how much I related to her. She told us readers so many truths of chronic illness. Things that I've been through, even if it wasn't cancer. Quite a few times I found myself crying at parts people would not cry at because I knew what the character felt. I knew the emotions, the fears, the pains. One of the things the character said was that in the ER they always ask on a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? And that when she couldn't breathe and was in terrible pain, she held up nine fingers (she couldn't talk because of how badly she could not breathe). Later the nurse came in and said she was a strong person because she gave pain that was way more than ten a nine....

There are times when I'm not in the mood to post. This is not one of them. This is one of the times when I have so much passion for a thought that I cannot convey it in words. What I should do is create an image or a set of images. This is what I will do. Someday. Not today, I've far too much to do today but one day I will get to say what I feel the only way I can. I feel this way about a lot of things, so it's not a particuarly infrequent challenge. But it is frustrating, none the less. I'm mad because I want to post something very passionate and full of wisdom but I can't. Someone can't tell you this feeling, this thought, this idea. You have to feel it, know it.

A few years ago I had my favourite 'embarrassing' years at school. I say my favourite because while when it was happening I felt like I could've died on the spot, now I chuckle when I think of them. For example as I was hurrying down the corridor to my next class, I didn't notice how close I was to the lockers. My bag got caught on the lock and I didn't know, so as I briskly walked I got pulled back into the boy behind me, who was not pleased one bit. Another time my bag strap got caught on the door handle as I walked in a crowded corridor. Instead of stopping like a normal person to simply fix it, I kept pulling to get through as I felt the crowd clossing in around me. An older boy from behind me calmly said, 'wait, I can unhook it' and he got my bag free from the door handle. When I looked at him and saw that he was a very good looking boy, practically a man, I nearly died knowing that I looked like an idiot in front of him. My favourite moment however,...

Today's hospital visit was mostly great. I found that any crystals once in my kidneys had flushed so my kidneys are fine. Also I was prescribed Enbrel to treat my psoriatic arthritis, which I am positive about. My rhuematologist and neprhologist (Kidney doctor) have been working very close together to ensure my kidneys will not be damaged with all the medicines. I'm very grateful to have two very caring doctors. However, there were rather unhappy moments. This morning I needed a kideny ultrasound, which seemed to be fine until the technican began to appear uneasy. He left for a moment and came back with two doctors, who were all worried about something not appearing healthy. It's a very scary and vulnerable moment to have several doctors stare at your results, practically ignoring you because whatever is on the screen is scaring them beyond belief. It seemed to be nothing, thankfully. Another rather unhappy time was when my kidney doctor immediately had me seen by anoth...

Tomorrow I shall leave my school and friends. For I am going to the hospital. Again. It's actually a day filled with various appointments, so hopefully I'll bring nothing but very good news. While I'm seeing my usual rheumatologist, I'm also seeing my kidney specialist to determine correct treatments for my current kidney affliction (Calcium Crystals). I'm trying to stay positive that everything will be just fine. Also tomorrow I may be put on Enbrel, an immune surpressant. I'm nervous as some of the side effects don't seem too fun. One risk while taking Enbrel is a higher cancer risk, however this doesn't bother me as much as the higher chance of appendicitis (which requires an emergency operation to remove). I'm not so much worried about actually getting appendicitis and being in a lot of pain. More so, I've been laughing and joking with my friends saying I'll get it while walkiing in a crowded corridor at school and people will have ...

Is embarrassing. Think about it. When you are a patient, privacy is not a right. It is a privilege. Not only do you have to change into a gown  that is open in the back, but you're asked a lot of questions. Sometimes they're not terribly revealing or embarrassing, but it's just the fact that every little thing about you is being written down on a piece of paper as if it isn't a big deal. As if you were just writing down 'the televison is on' a doctor writes down 'the patient has dealt with chronic pain for years' casually. It's as if you are nothing. I also don't know about anyone else, but I'm very embarrassed admitting I'm in pain. It makes me feel weak and as if people see it as a very bad thing, like I SHOULD be ashamed! This might actually be a part one, because I have way more to say about this subject.

"People can change." A lyric from a song I love. I think it says enough in itself that I don't have to emphasize. Thought to add to it, I would like to add the following lyric. "People don't change." This, I feel, is ignorant. Think of how much you have changed in a year. In two years. Throughout your life. Hopefully as people change, they become more compassionate. Thoughtful. Understanding. However this takes time. Sometimes I'm worrying that's what we are running out of.

Is nerve wracking. Most people have trouble waiting for their love interest to write back to them or waiting for a train. Patients have trouble waiting for test results that could mean the struggle of their lives. Imagine what it is like to wait several days for a doctor to call and tell you whether or not you have cancer. And imagine sitting waiting, wondering if this time next week you'll be sitting in a hospital bed. Or imagine waiting for further instructions to reduce your chances of pain. You feel the longer it takes, the more pain you will be in. It's so  unbearable that after a week or two of waiting, you call and ask for the results and they'll tell you they will call you back. And they do. Two or three  days after the fact. But not only that, you're nervous for the future. Will I be in a lot of pain... tomorrow. In a year. Forever? And not only that but 'will this medicine cause cancer?' and 'will I pass this onto my children?' constant...

I'm a full time school student and plan on attending college after I finish Secondary school (high school). Many kids don't like school and even I dread going back after holiday, but once I am in school again I love it. I love to learn very much, and using skills I aquired in class. I enjoy going to swimming class despite walking around with wet hair. I adore seeing my friends, other students  and some teacher. I even love wearing my school clothes, looking very sharp day after day. Honestly, I love school. And taking several hours of art everyday helps. :)

I have often read of people with arthritis having constant flare-ups, extreme swelling and muscles so weak they have so much trouble doing many things. And I count my blessings I do not have these problems to an extreme extent. With that comes a guilty feeling. I've only had one flare-up in my life, of which lasted a month and required hospitalization. I've never had one again. It doesn't mean I'll never get another one though. The point of this post is that I feel extremely guilty to call myself an arthritis patient feeling I have not had half the experience most other's seem to have.

In the photograph I keep beside my bed the youthful face looks back at me, her rosy lips and blue eyes. I can only imagine her hair was beautifully soft in gentle, blonde ringlets. Despite the gentle, lavender dress she donned, she wore a nervous ridgedness and stern face. She was probably the strongest woman I've ever known, with a life as geniune as she was. The legend of this great woman lives, not through the names of the daughters and sons, but in her own right. She is my hero. I'm proud to wear her name, and I only hope I can give her name the great justice it deserves. Everyday I miss her, but today I especially miss my beloved grandmother. My Gram. My grandmother often comes to visit, and she'll leave in a day or two, but my Gram never leaves for she is always in my heart.

Updated: October 2022 My name is Elizabeth and I will never have an easy disease to diagnose. It took several years ro get my diagnosis. I've taken a few different drugs, but none of them truly worked out for me. Methotrexate didn't work well. But Leflunomide changed my life. Not so much arthritis-wise, as I responded well. However, I began experiencing possible thyroid and kidney problems while taking leflunomide. I have calcium crystals in my kidneys, which could later become stones. As my mum says, "I'm sparkling on the inside."  We found this as blood was found in my urine many times. I also had to do a twenty-four hour urine sample, which is when you collect all the urine you produce in twenty-four hours. It really is quite embarrassing walking into the hospital with a container of your own urine, but it's worth it. I'm currently seeing a specialist for this problem and we are taking care of it right now by discontinuing leflunomide and lett...

I don't feel like pouring my emotions into a post today. Today, I don't want to talk about my arthritis. In fact, I'm not even in the mood to complain about homework today. No, today I'm just going to tell you about a fun time I had. The other night my guy friend came over for dinner, and after dinner some of my family came over. While he and I tried to watch a Harry Potter movie, my young cousin decided she must ask us a "silly question and you're going to laugh."  She asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, to which we replied no. Then she proceeded to ask our favourite Disney Characters. And some how we we're actors in her play of Hercules and Cinderella falling in love and getting married. Of course, Hercules and Cinderella with odd acents because you must distort your voice when acting in a child's play. I think the best part of this was that we got this on film. She very much enjoyed that she "Got to direct (and be the narrato...

As we have found my kidney problem is rather minor, I can say confidently nearly everything is back to normal. So, I'd like to post less about the news today and rather write what comes from the heart. It's often said people with hidden disabilities suffer more than they should. This is very true. Those with more outward conditions tend to be helped more, and this is due  to the fact people know it's the right thing to do. However, when you can't see what's going on you don't know anything is wrong. For this, I don't expect a stranger to hold the door or offer a seat on a crowded train.When I'm with family and friends though, I'm rather quiet in the fact I won't complain about pain or feeling sick. I don't expect life to stop just because of me. I don't want to burden my family or friends with my arthritis. Honest. Why should I always have to kill the fun? Every time I have, I always seemed to make everyone miss out on something. I...

Hello again. I've been home from holiday for a few days now, and ready to write about what has been going on. What I wrote in my last post was actually regarding my best friend, of whom also has arthritis. Her medicines, as well as mine and most other's, have a risk of cancer. We had a 'cancer scare' a few days ago, as  she needed a biopsy  to check for Lymphoma. After waiting a few nerve wracking days of waiting  for results, we found she does not have cancer. It was a huge relief, naturally. However now I'm going through  a medical scare of my own. I've demonstrated quite a few symptoms  of thyroid and kidney problems. In the past few days home, I've gone through several tests and shall go  for more tomorrow before seeing a specialist the day after. At the moment, I am alright. It was not quite that way at the doctor's office when we recieved this news. And it's still quite heart breaking for  my family and friends. Right now, I'm trying not...

Hello. No I haven't returned from holiday, but I have found time to post. So... how's it going? I'm fine. Kind of. Sort of. A little bit. Maybe. Though I'm not ready to truely release what has been going on in my life (holiday aside), I will let you know I have been going through a very hard and uncertain time. I dont' know when I will be ready to write about it, but rest assured I will eventually. I'm just not ready. What's happening is very sad, unfortunate and makes me very angry. And I hate to admit, but I'm frightened at the moment too. Now more than ever is time to be brave, but I find courage is hard to find when you need it. Perhaps at a later date my loyalty will begin to be tested. Though I know I'm a rather loyal person, for the first time in my life my true loyalty will be needed and come out, that is if I truely am. Anyhow, thank you for reading and I will update in a few days or sooner.

I shall be off on holiday soon, which means I unfortuantely won't be able to post for a bit. While I won't disclose how long I will be gone or to where I am going, I can tell you I will be back shortly. Until then, please continue to check back. I promise I won't be long. :)

I went to the rheumatologists yesterday. I can say that was  easily one of the worse visits ever. Due to weight loss in such a sort period, I've been taken off of Leflunomide. Rather, I've been prescribed Enbrel and since I will be going on holiday soon, I will not be starting for several weeks. It will be two injections every week. Thankfully I have several arrangements where a nurse will  be able to give me them, rather than do them myself. However I will most likely learn to inject them myself in case I'm never able to get to a nurse or whoever, or if I get confidence enough I'll just do them myself. Leflunomide, however, seemed to be working quiet well besides the worrying side effects. Also, both my regular nurse and doctor seemed concerned about my heart rate, which was a bit high. In fact, the doctor was so concerned I was sent to get an EKG. Though my heart rate was elevated, it wasn't too concerning.

My name is Elizabeth and I am addicted to worrying. I can't not worry about much. I worry about my homework. I worry about accidently hurting someone. I worry about embarassing myself. I worry about money. I worry about not getting into college. I worry my art isn't good enough. I worry that I'm not as healthy as we think and I'm getting sicker. I worry about having to wake up early in the morning and not wanting to eat. I worry when I gain weight. I worry when I lose weight. It's a miracle my blood pressure isn't so high I should be able to squirt blood out of my finger tips like Spiderman. Actually it's perfectly healthy. It's the one thing I don't worry about.

I would just like to give a bit of an update about Leflunomide, which is like Methotrexate in the fact it suppresses one's immune system. So far, I'm not doing very well on it. While I don't get nausea as badly on Leflunomide like I did on Methotrexate, I still do get it. I don't lose hair on this either. However, I've experienced nasty side effects on Leflunomide. I've lost my appetite on this medicine to the point I eat extremely lightly just to get three meals, and when I say extremely light, I mean something to drink can become a satisfying meal. I'm also a bit afraid to eat because when I do I tend to get an upset stomach as well. Not all the time, but I do. Before this drug I was a healthy weight and slim: It was obvious I took very good care of myself. On this drug I've lost a lot of weight and while I still look rather healthy and just as though I've lost a tiny bit of weight, I'm rather concerned. I wasn't even trying to loss weigh...

Many times doctors and nurses are able to help people recover from diseases. Sometimes doctors and nurses can't help you and they want to. There's no cure or pain relief for some diseasees. A poem that was about a young child with cancer put it "The worse part about being in the hospital, is that they give you all the ice cream you want because they know there is nothing better they can do. Ice cream can't make things better." And it's true. People who are terminally ill often have their wildest dreams and wishes granted. Kids with arthritis, epilepsy, and such often have camps and fun days devoted to them. This, they feel, is the best way to treat a person because when giving them a cure isn't possible, giving them happiness is the next best thing. I don't see this as a bleak thing. I see this as a life lesson.

A bit of an update about the  cold water thing. I don't think people understand the severity of it, as demonstrated to me not long ago. A while ago I went into extremely cold water with some friends and they couldn't understand how the water was that bad until I explained it as such: It felt as though all the muscles and my skin in my feet were ripped apart and bleeding. My ankles felt as if they had just been bent backword. All the bones in my feet and ankles felt chilled and frozen down deep into the marrow, like my bones were replaced with ice completely. My shins were numbed and painful. It felt as though I had fell on my knees and scrapped, bruised and turned in more than usual. I won't go on with more details, but I hope you see how painful it is on top of dealing with the temperature.

Arthritis is different for everyone. Different people respond differently to treatment. Some people can be in the same amount of pain but tolerate it very differently. And no two cases of arthritis are exactly the same. My arthritis is not the same as another's. For example, I cannot tolerate bathing or swimming in cold water. It's a proven fact that those with autoimmune arthritis feel cold, heat and pain more than those without it. And I know it's the case with me. While some people may mention that, say, a swimming pool is cold when they dunk their feet in, I feel cold and pain. My muscles tighten and I can feel an ache that goes deep into my muscles, as if my bones were ice. Like I said, we all react differently.

I've only ever trusted many people in my life. It sounds odd to say 'I've only ever' at the beginning, but this is how teenagers talk. For example, when you tell them a secret they say "I won't tell anyone" however the next day everyone knows your secret. When you confront your friend they say "I didn't tell anyone except him, him, her, her, him, her, her, her, her, and they might've told their friends." The vast majority of these people I've had to trust are doctors and nurses. I've had no choice but to trust doctors and nurses. Not that I trust every one of them: I don't, with good reasons not to (Like the nurse who always gets my weight wrong). But when a doctor finally believes you're sick, you tend to trust this person will help you. Or if you've ever been rushed into hospital and are in so much pain you can't think for yourself, you know the feeling of putting your trust into someone's hands. Even your ...

This post is named because it is what people would most likely search on Google. The other day I was talking with someone very close to me. He mentioned that he felt terrible that he knows I have arthritis and tend to be in pain, but that he can't do anything to make it better. He said he wish he could help me. I honestly never knew anyone would ever feel that way about Arthur and I, I just assumed no one ever felt bad for me. It came as a huge shock when he told me! I had always hoped someone wanted to help me or try to make things better but I never assumed it was true. A lot of the time I feel like no one cares at all. Anyway, I came up with several things that truly do help. They're not terribly difficult, nor hard to come by. It's simple things that help and here's my list. 1.) If it's okay to hug the person with arthritis, let them stay as long as they need. That one moment makes a world of difference. To a person with arthritis (or a hidden disability/...

I know that lately I have been rather lazy with my posts, and I apologize. I've had so much to do between visitors, projects and just trying to find the time to relax. Anyway, I haven't been very sure of what to post about lately. Thus I've procrastinated. I've been watched medical documentaries from other countries to see how they go about procedures and medical care. I've listened to theme park soundtracks. And I haven't even thought of a subject to write about. How about my project? While I don't want to be too specific, I will tell you it is something I've wanted to do for quite a while. I've been working on it despite having school assignments to complete. I figured that I could work on them both at the same time but it's not exactly working out that way so what I think I might do is alternate days of which I do the seperate projects. Anyway one project involves a product with a price and the other involves not getting paid at all. You'...

As a often hospital visiter, I like to learn new ways to cope with painful procedures and just make the whole experience easier for both me and the doctor or nurse (or whoever). As I was browsed Youtube, I saw a video that's title went something of  "Comfort Positioning for Medical Purposes." I, curiously, watched the video to find it was ways to hold your child during needles and such so that the child is comfortable, calm and feels more incontrol and also makes the process easier for medical staff. Mostly, I found this video very interesting and one day (in the extremely distant future) if I have a child, I would use this myself. But I began to wonder if there is a sort of comfort position people can use by themselves to feel more comfortable and calm, and also confident that you will be able to get through the test/procedure. I'm not sure what that would be called, but I expect this already exists. And since everyone is different, I'd like to share my own (what...

The other day I decided to use Google to look up funny arthritis pictures. Some of them were extremely funny. Some of them were tremendouly depressing. Funny ones including things that said "Did you try this natural remedy?" or "My grandmother has that too" accompanied by hilarious comics. Depressing ones included an angel leading an elderly person to heaven saying, "Don't worry, that arthritis won't bother you anymore," and such. I'm a jokester, as most people know this fact about me quite well, but it was simply depressing to see comics of the elderly being led into death with promises of that being the only way to end their pain. Maybe I read too far into those pictures, but I nearly cried. So many elderly are abandoned by their families, and so many are sick. They need their loved one's to be with them, not an instant death the moment they have arthritis. Just because something is older, doesn't mean it's 'out of date.' ...

I'm very used to getting my blood drawn: It's a rather common occurence for me. However when I went for it recently, I got the nurse who isn't terribly good at it and since the other nurses were busy I had to have her. She has a rather unsteady hand and insterted the needle way too far. It hurt more than necessary. Anyway, I find most people very uncomfortable during needles so I have a list of funny things to do during a blood test. 1.)  Ask if you can keep the needle to remember the day by. 2.) After the needle is finished, smile at the nurse and go "Now it's your turn!" 3.) If someone is getting their blood drawn/a shot nearby, stare at them with a huge grin. If they look at you, continue and don't lose eye contact. 4.) If there is a box filled with tubes with different colour caps, tell the nurse which ones you want. 5.) Halfway through, gasp and go "Don't take all my blood!" The list is rather short: I've never really thoug...

I love hanging out with friends. I love doing fun things with my friends. I hate getting hurt in front of my friends. Especially when it's a birthday. A few days ago my friends and I went rollerskating to celebrate my good friend's birthday. None of us had gone skating in a long time, in fact I haven't roller skated since I was eleven, maybe twelve. So I got on the floor, fell once when I wasn't paying attention. I laughed and said, "All you need is one good fall and you're set!" I was fine and we skated for awhile longer. Then I forgot which foot you use to stop. And  I panicked. And fell. On my wrist. Hard. I was actually fine for a few minutes and then I noticed it hurt. I tried to chill it with my drink and it helped a minute, but more or less I couldn't really use it and I somewhat couldn't move it. It got worse later into the night. Granted I had an excellent time watching friends who never skated before learn slowly let steadily, seeing mor...

My apologizes for not posting in a while: I haven't truely found the time to. But I'm here now and isn't that what really counts? Earlier in the week I actually fell and landed on my back. A few days after my fall, I went to an amusement park, and yes I went on rollercoasters. I probably shouldn't have, but I'm not very sore and I take it as a good sign. The only thing was I was unable to push my harness over my head because of the strain and pain and I needed a friend to help me. But all in all it wasn't a very painful day. My friends and I took it very slowly with a lot of down time. I did most rides, except upside down rollercoaster: I've never been on one before and I don't like the idea of going upside down. I feel like they'd hurt my back and shoulders a lot. Speaking of pain, Dr. Marc put me on a new medicine called Leflunomide. He said it's the same as methotrexate but less severe and I take it once I day. Two weeks later, so far so good...

When I was eight years old, I had my first flare up. I had to go to hospital for a week, and it was terrible. The flare up actually lasted about three weeks, but I was only in hospital for the worst week. I know nurses work very hard, but I had a terrible experience with my nurses. They started my IV wrong, often made me walk when it was simply too painful to, sat on the bed causing discomfort as they made me move (not a good idea), would be short with me when I couldn't move (I was extremely stiff) among many other things. However there was one nurse whom I absolutely adored. She was very patient with me, and often soothed me. In fact, she stayed with me during an MRI when my mum couldn't be there with me. I recall she used to come at random with ice lollies (Popsicles). During my hospital stay, my aunt brought me fishes in seperate bowls. To say thank you, I gave the nurse one of them and she put it in the waiting room for people to enjoy. To this day I still think about he...

When I was little and children in school shared secrets, often the chant "Secrets, secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone," was heard. When I was a bit older, around ten, secrets were freely told to friends but also freely shared by everyone:  I guess the chant really put it into our skull that secrets must be shared, but it wasn't fun when everyone knew about it. Now at my age, we've learned to keep secrets. Actually, let me rephrase this: A few friends of mine and I are able to keep secrets. Most of the kids, however, are still at the stage where they must tell everyone their friend's biggest secrets. At the moment, I'm harbouring a huge secret. It's not my arthritis, as I'm somewhat open and free to tell people. It's not my love of rather geeky things either, though I don't tend to display it for all to see. Anyway, some secrets I try and overcome my fear of by just saying it. Usually, it works. Nobody thinks my secret is funny (i...

I should be studying. I need to study. I'm expected to study. I need to study. I'm going to have exams so I have to study. I need to study all my subjects. I have to study to pass all my exams. I will go study so I can be proud to get the great marks I work hard for.

I remember my first date. We were going to go see a film, something he really wanted to see. My mum bought me an adorable shirt to wear and she consulted me on how to do my hair and what shoes to wear. She calmed me down a lot, as I was a nervous wreck. My mum couldn't see me off though: she had to work. She tried not to cry. I tried to cry. When she left, I cried my eyes out. I did my make-up alone. I got my handbag together alone. I waited for him to come alone. It was the worse feeling in the world. Then I remembered a girl in my school lost her mum to cancer a year and a half ago. I bet she cried when her mum wasn't there for her first date. I bet she cried  when her mum wasn't there when she was accepted into the art programme. I bet she cried on every holiday and birthday. I bet she cried when someone talked badly of their  mum in front of her. I don't know where I would be without my mum. I don't know how my mum goes on without her's. And I can't u...

I don't have much I care to share today. However as I thought about this one song I like, I suppose it can really sum up how life feels right now. "Life is beautiful." Yes, that's all. All life in all forms is beautiful, young and old. Well and ill. Born and unborn. Exciting and calm. To love and being loved.

So since I haven't had any views in a while, I'm going to assume I've been doing something wrong. Since I don't notice any difference in the style of which I post, I'm just going to continue on and hope everyone is just on holiday. Anyway, I've noticed a bit of a trend in my exams at rheumatology. Now he has been checking me for Fibromyalgia. Not just recently but for a while. He seems less sure of arthritis at the moment. The thing about these diagnoses is that there is really 'no' or 'yes' test. Things change rapidly. You see I show many qualities of arthritis and  yet I do not. I also show qualities of Fribromyalgi and do not. I swear they should just call it 'Elizabeth's Disease.' It's too difficult to categorise.

Living with arthritis, it might not occur to many that you are poked and prodded quite a bit, but that is the truth. You will be poked and prodded. I used to get anywhere from five to seven needle sticks a month between blood drawings, Methotrexate injections, and contrast for MRI's or something along those lines. Now I'm usually stuck about once a month, but it can change depending on what treatment I go on next.   Anyway, I know some people are really afraid of needles, and I can relate: I've been there before, I swear. Some people are fine with telling people they're afraid of them, such as one of my friends. Not so many boys though, because most tend to say they don't like them but aren't afraid. And some people just aren't affected by it. I'm not, and most people who have chronic illnesses aren't.   A lot of people have coping methods. Most of these involve gritting your teeth and making a fist. Some people may hold another's hand or just ap...

I don't know how to say this so people will understand, but I'll go on just incase someone is sitting at home wondering if they are alone in this thought as I feel at the moment. During songs or videos, if I hear a line or lyric that is reassuring or comforting, I will re-play it. I'll put myself in my own world and imagine this line is being said to me. Usually along the lines of "Everything will be okay in the end" or "Don't be afraid." Sometimes when you're going through a whole lot, and knowing it will be on going people don't realise how much a simple "It's alright" helps you. No one has ever told me everything will be alright or that I haven't any need to be afraid, or that it's okay to be afraid. Mostly because they don't think to say anything. People really underestimate the value of it. Even doctors, who tend not to put too much emotion into patient treatments, should learn that saying something so simple c...

Last night as I talked with some mates through a webcam, I was on this website for people who are 'chronically ill.' I cringe at that phrase. Chronic = very serious and long lasting. Illness = I'm sick. And I know I have a chronic disease: I know that I'm sick and probably will be for a very long time. But anyway, some of the things I came across on this website was really funny. Suggestions that people who are ill get that are simply  hilarious. What medical words really mean, or at least to us. It's a huge relief to know there are more people just like you. But what I laughed at, sometimes my friends didn't when I read it off. I know they wouldn't get all of it so I didn't read all of it to them, just things that I forget people don't understand. Like when people tell you that you take too many medicines and they're making you sick. They don't know. When I know I'm going to the hospital, I'll tell my friends I'm going to be ab...

I really don't know what to post about today. In all honesty I would really just rather not write something but I've been trying to push myself to do work everyday, whether it be the blog or working on a project. Since I don't feel like working on my project, I'm going to write on my blog about my project. Currently I'm working on a pencil sketch of a little stranger. My family's newest addition made her first appearance to the world earlier this week. She's so lovely, a dream really. I've fallen so deeply in  love with her: I constantly show my friends her pictures, though they don't understand how I'm so proud of a new baby. Anyway, my auntie got a picture of the baby with her eyes open and smiling so I've been drawing it to give to the proud mummy and daddy. I haven't finished it yet. I should probably work on it: I'm going to go visit them tomorrow.

I haven't updated much about my arthritis in a while so I think I'll start off with that. My muscles are really sore and my joints are creeky, but nothing out of the ordinary. What amazes some people is that I typically am in a lot of pain but I don't take pain medications. I mean, treatment like Methotrexate is just that: Treatment. It's not a huge pain reliever, though it is for some people. But mostly we all take medications to cope with the pain and some have nasty side effects. And I don't bother. Really. I can take about three times more ibuprofen in one day (Doctor prescribed) versus the average dose for others person and still be in a lot of pain. My mum tells me it makes me look more relaxed and calm and that's good when it's time to calm down like at night but not when I need to get homework and chores done, on top of finding time to talk with my friends. At the moment I am researching arthritis treatments that relieve pain. I've found a few ...

In a lot of ways, I have been really stressed lately. In a lot of ways, I have been really amazed at how wonderful life is. Like in swimming, instead of doing laps lately we have been playing games, particularly basketball. It's nice because rather than the girls standing around doing nothing and the boys acting as though it were the Olympics, everyone participates and enjoys themselves. Okay, the boys still act like they are playing in the Olympics but they're a bit gentler. I've been having a grand time since there is no running and I can really get into the game. But what really makes my day is when the kids say "Elizabeth, pass it here!" For one, they acknowledge I'm alive. But two they know me as Elizabeth and not Liz anymore: I'm so thrilled. It's things like that that really make the difference. I like swimming class unlike a lot of girls in my class: My hair looks great afterward and it's refreshing unless the teacher makes you do laps. ...

My mum always told me that there is nothing more attractive than a smile. I always knew this was true, but not really realizing it's depth until recently. While I was in art class, working on a personal sketch because I was finished with my own class work. A boy who is in the year above me walked into the room to work on his project. I had never really seen him before, and he seemed to be very average looking though not a bad looking lad himself. He worked quietly on his project, not talking to anyone. A girl came in and she said something to him. He looked up from his project and smiled. I swear he looked to be the happiest boy in the world: He all of a sudden seemed so handsome and I thought to myself 'his parents must be so proud of him.' Some people won't smile in pictures, some people won't smile at all in life. I don't walk around with a grin all the time because it looks goofy but also because it wouldn't look geniune. I notice that when I walk with...

This past week, I've bumped and banged my legs and arms and I'm covered with bruises. Though I haven't taken Methotrexate in weeks, I'm getting used to life without: Whenever I start or stop it I get excessively tired, sore and lose my appetite. I guess I'm still going to bruise for a few months though because it's effects are still in my system. It's like the advice to wait three months after stopping Methotrexate to get pregnant. I hit my elbow a couple times and it's all bruised and sore and I'm discovering new ones from gentle bumps on my legs and arms. I'm not typically this clumbsy it's just all of a sudden I'm hitting this or that. This just isn't fun what so ever. While the pain I get is beginning to get worse due to the lack of medication, I don't mind it much because I've never noticed too much pain relief on Methotrexate. A bit emotionally drained at the moment, but I will fill you in when I feel better.

It's one thing when your friend starts to get a bit odd and you don't really want to talk with them. It's one thing when your friend starts to get very odd and you don't really want to be with them anymore. It's another thing when your mum tells you she's beginning to not want you to talk with this person anymore. My friend at first seemed to be acting very immature. Then she began to be very rebellious and immature. And now she is making very immature and rebellious choices. I don't understand kids, really, especially because I am younger than her yet I see more wrong in what she is doing than she. What is going on isn't acutally wrong, but it isn't wise and not the best choice towards a happy life. I don't really think she is thinking of consequences or anything. Then again not a lot of kids do. It really agravates me when kids, say, drink heavily at night because it's so fun but end up failing a test at school due to their headache the n...

I've never had 'normal' dreams, but talking about them with my friends I guess no dream is really normal. I had heard once that people can control how their dreams go, but I'm not sure how much I believe this. My friend said that you can when your body is sleeping but your mind is not, and you control what you think. He said you're more or less paralized and whatever was on your mind before you go to sleep is what you dream. That sounds like the scariest thing ever because even though you think you were thinking about your sweet heart or your pet or baby, what if you were actually thinking of some horror movie as your mind drifted? You'd be trapped in that dream! Yikes!

If you've read my blog before, you know I'm the artistic type of person. I think a lot of odd things are cool and I 'get' modern art, even if I don't like all of it. And I even like some of the ways people dress and do their hair or make-up to look different. I think every artistic person has done that before. I'm really no exception. I look rather normal, but you might notice I wear rings.I love them and if I could, I would wear one ring on every finger, just because I think it would look cool and artsy. But that would take away from the rings I do wear: One on each hand because one is gold and the other is silver, and I know that they clash. I don't really know where I'm going with this post, aside from the fact I think wearing a lot of rings would be cool. I'm just not in the mood to post about arthritis, mostly since at the moment it feels I talk a bit too much about it and that it's taking over my identity. So for today and maybe tomorrow, ...

Most people like  to hide things about themselves away. I, on the other hand, generally enjoy people's quirks. I myself harbour several nerdy little obsessions and such. I enjoy that a few of my friends like to watch a cartoon that most people would raise an eyebrow at. And I like that my friend wears a Sonic Screwdriver necklace. I shall now share with you, my top nerdiest quirks: 1.) I read the daily comics everyday. Not things like Donald Duck but little known comics because I like supporting the 'little man' because I know that might be me one day. 2.) I can play the entire song 'Hedwigs Theme' (The song associated with Harry Potter) on my guitar by heart. 3.) I have a huge list of people I want to meet one day, ranging anywhere from people on Youtube to famous actors who were in black and white films. 4.) I whistle at random times and places: Sometimes little tunes and sometimes full blown songs. 5.) I draw clothes from the Edwardian period to about the 19...

Imagine this: You're in your bed, all nice and warm in your favourite pyjamas. The lights are dimmed just the way you like it and it's  been a long day, and you're ready to fall asleep. You're in your favourite sleeping position and you know just one little stretch will make everything perfect. You go to flex your ankles when all of a sudden CRAMP. Your muscles are tense and pulling your feet, ankles and calf in an uncomfortable position. If you stay still, it hurts but if you move it hurts even worse. So you opt to just lie there still, maybe rubbing your muscles to stop the painful spasms. No, this was not me in my bed last night. This was me all day in school today, somewhat. While I did not actually have cramps, I had that pain all day. Nothing made it feel better what so ever and I'm lucky I had art all day so I could relax a bit.  I've had that pain before but today it seemed to go out of hand. In a way, I really miss my Methotrexate... Nah, I still don...

I don't want to post anything today. I don't want to write anything today. I don't want anyone to see anything I wrote today. I don't want to do anything today. So of course I'm writing a post today. I haven't taken Methotrexate for about three weeks now. I am feeling terrible. Everything hurts. My back. My legs. My feet. My neck. My muscles. My head. My spirit. I'm going to see Marc soon  and I've been researching new medicines to take instead of Methotrexate. I'll most likely end up on Enbrel or something like that but the night is still young and things do change. I have exams coming up in school once again. I don't want to study today. I don't want to think about studying today. I don't want be be reminded I need to study today. So I am going to study... later.